


Love is Blind

by Salf



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy Being an Asshole, Bellarke, Multi, POV Bellamy, POV Clarke, Protective Bellamy, Protective!Bellamy, blind!Clarke, minty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:18:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salf/pseuds/Salf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Clarke starts to slowly lose her sight she finally learns what it means to be able really see what's around her - and Bellamy is part of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is Blind

**Author's Note:**

> This takes quite a while to get the point - trust me you'll get there. This is a bellarke fic - obvs - but not straight away. A slow burn if you will. I'm planning to write the new chapter soon, I've got it all planned out already. Quick warning, this isn't properly spell checked etc yet so if that bothers you hugely it might be a good idea to wait until the next chapter is up by which time it'll be sorted. Side note, if anyone feels like being a beta please message me and I can stop re reading my chapters so anxiously. Thanks!

She doesn't notice it at first, or at least if she does it's brushed off in favour of more important matters, such as how to get the 47 out of Mount Weather, and whether Bellamy will be among them. After the successful missions, she would have been justified in thinking that the increasing ache in her legs was due to the endless days of running and walking and climbing up and around the mountain. The shortness of breath attributed to the stress she had been under. The numbness in her fingertips due to the cold of the oncoming winter, and the dizziness and pain in her chest due to the lack of sleep only worsened by rescue attempts and constant nightmares. Like everything else that bothers her, she ignores it, concentrates on the bigger problems and plans, ensuring that no one else at camp thought her incapable. In fact, it probably would have stayed that way if she hadn't gone white as death and passed out in the middle of camp, caught to her annoyance, by Bellamy Blake who would have no qualms with teasing her for days about it. At least she assumed that he'd caught her as when she'd opened her eyes again she was resting in his arms like a damsel in distress.  _No thank you._

Honestly she was annoyed that 'the adventure squad' had insisted on moving her to medical asap. She voted against it but they said it was 7 against 1. Murphy had been begrudgingly included in their number by Bellamy himself (Clarke wasn't bothered, she'd always thought Murphy would've been a pretty nice guy if it wasn't for the whole they tried to murder him thing, and anyway he was unexpectedly brilliant at braiding hair) and Miller, who'd Monty had insisted was part of the clan (Clarke liked Miller as well, but she'd be lying if she thought that Monty's insistence on Nathan being part of the club was just because 'He's just really good with drills'. Murphy had had snorted loudly at that and it had made Clarke like him even more). The point was, that instead of cleaning and stitching cuts in the front of the medbay, she was having her legs tugged at in the back by her mother, surrounded by seven worried looking members of said adventure squad. Even Jasper, who spent his life attached by the hip to a hardworking Maya, had found the time to stare deeply at Clarke as if contemplating life itself - and if she thought Jasper was staring she couldn't even cope with looking at the Blake siblings who shared an almost creepy look of apprehension as she answered her mom's questions.

_'How long have you been feeling like this Clarke?'_

She'd furrowed her forehead at that one. It hadn't been that long. Sure it had been a month since they'd started negotiations with Mount Weather, and she'd definitely been having trouble for a while before that, but it could only have been a week, or maybe two, or was it before or after Bellamy had got in? or maybe when-

 'I don't know, like two months maybe?'

Bellamy lets out a low hiss under his breath and it's all Clarke can do not to roll her eyes at the shocked look on her mothers face. Abby gently rolls Clarke over onto her back and presses her palms firmly up and down her spine, lips tightening by the second as she repeats the action, a second, a third and almost a fourth time until Clarke has had enough and flips herself over back onto her front, propping herself up onto the pillow. She knows that face all too well, it's clinical and detached, but worried and scared too, just like the face her mother had made before diagnosing her best friend, Kanes wife, with an incurable disease that left her dying on a hospital bed only a week later.

Abby's voice breaks as she asks others to leave the room. Clarke grips onto her wrist reassuringly, before saying a quiet 'Whatever it is, they have to know. They're family'.

Abby sighs in that way she used to when she caught Clarke and Wells crawling through the ventilation shafts on the ark, a mixture of exasperation and love. Her face is remains smooth but her trembling hands give her away, and for the first time since Abby landed Clarke can't help but feel sorry for her.

'Your organs are shutting down Clarke. All of them'

She knows there's nothing she can do by the broken desperation in Abby's voice, the tone she uses before handing out a death sentence.

'How long?' Her voice remains steady.

'3 months. Maybe three and a half but no more than four.'

It's like everything overwhelms her at once. She's only vaguely aware of people leaning over her, asking if she's okay before she pushes her way out of the medbay and runs into the woods, a muffled male voice behind her ordering that everyone leave her be.

She runs until her legs ache, although that could just be a side effect of the fact that her own body was killing her after all she'd been through, and collapses next to a tree overlooking the North Valley, hugging her knees to her chest and watching the sun set over the blanket of green treetops ahead. Only this morning she'd been joking with Octavia and Raven about skinny dipping in the summer, and now she wouldn't even make it till February.

If she was religious, perhaps she'd call it gods will. As it is, she just thinks it's pretty fucking shit. She sits there for three, maybe four hours before a person sits down next to her. Raven.

'Bellamy's pretty worried about you you know.'

Clarke exhales sharply.

'Right, because I'm a cripple now'

Raven kicks her with her braced leg good naturedly and turns her head away from the view to look at Clarke with mock anger.

'Hey, don't go stealing my nickname Griffin'

Clarke stares at her, before her face cracks into a grin, and despite herself she laughs for the first time since she heard, so hard that her throat goes raw and she loses her breath, coughing uncontrollably as Raven helps her control her breaths again.

Raven almost looks concerned until Clarke bites out a 'well there goes my left lung' and they both giggle the entire way back to camp.

 When Clarke wakes up the next morning she feels better than she has in weeks. A week onwards from the news and everyone has stopped tip toeing around her, colour has returned to her cheeks and even Abby looks hopeful that perhaps her diagnosis could have been a mistake. Clarke almost knows that its too good to be true, but decides that even Chief Medic Abby can make mistakes, and anyway Murphy teamed up with Monty and Jasper to make a killer batch of moonshine and she's not missing that for the world, even if that means she has to sleep in Bellamy's tent because its November now and she fears that by going out in the middle of the night without her jacket will give her frostbite faster than you can say exposure. That's why when she wakes up in the middle of the night, gasping for breath as she drowns in her own lungs, Bellamy is right there beside her, shouting so loudly that the whole camp must be awake, screaming at Octavia to get Abby as she runs in to see what's the matter. Long story short, only moments after she'd watched O sprint out of the tent, once again sharing that same look of fear with Bellamy that was so rarely seen on the siblings faces, she went into cardiac arrest. Had she been awake she would have watched Bellamy pump the life back into her, performing CPR and rebooting her frozen heart just as Abby ran in to see her only daughter being placed onto her side as she threw up the contents of not only her stomach but her lungs. 

Clarke knew the next day that she had been right, that her body was slowly giving up on her as her friends sat on bedside watch. She was more angry than upset, annoyed that she'd let herself be so damn optimistic, but inbetween Jasper bounding in with his endless enthusiasm for life and Octavia chatting about her currently awol boyfriend who was visiting the sea tribe, and even Murphy who slunk in looking nervous until Clarke cracked a pun, and left after braiding Clarkes hair into a masterpiece she insisted she had to repay the favour for (Murphy was now sporting a fetching head of loose braids) she decided that she was going to stop being so damn miserable and enjoy the time she had left.

It's three days until Clarke's allowed to leave the medbay, and despite the fact that she now looks relatively healthy apart from the pallor of her skin, the entire camps seems to stare at her like she's a cross between a china doll and some sort of martyr, which is annoying as hell and makes her vaguely consider the idea of signing herself up for manual labour just to prove that she's not quite dead yet. She slips into a new routine. Every morning at 8:30 (she tries to ignore it but she's a lot more tired than she used to be), one of the other late risers - normally Jasper or Monty - stumbles into her tent clutching two mugs of grounder coffee like a lifeline and notifies Clarke of any developments overnight. Around 10ish Raven takes a break from tinkering with whatever device she's working on - currently a toilet system which Clarke is immensely excited for because although she's developed a resistance to mud and bugs she can't help from wince everytime she squats in the forest - and escorts Clarke to the river for a bath. Clarke had once found the courage to insist that it's not necessary, but Raven had just said in a steely voice that should she pass out it would be endgame for her and anyway, you never knew who was waiting in the woods and that everyone should have bathing buddies really. Octavia had laughed at that and muttered something along the lines of bathing with benefits before skipping off to talk to Indra. After that Clarke spends the hours remaining till lunchtime planning strategies with the council, and looking after the smaller children that had made it down. Bellamy normally turns up at around two, and sits with Clarke discussing the day as she struggles to swallow the meat of the week. Sometimes Maya joins them and discusses history with Bellamy as Clarke sits quietly sipping her tea. She notes with appreciation that Bellamy is warming up to Maya, he'd struggled perhaps more than the rest of them to trust her at first, which was not surprising, but she was glad he had someone to argue with and bicker over whether the Greeks or the Romans were the most developed for their time. She'd tried to keep up with that conversation, but the only thing she really knew about the Romans was that they had underfloor heating, and discussing that only made her long for the times where she could walk barefoot without freezing off her left toe, so she stuck to her fairly limited knowledge of the Tudors after that.

The rest of the day was less scheduled. The group all dropped in on her at some point, they seemed to have developed some complicated rota unknown to her to ensure that she was never alone for more than twenty minutes, and after dinner at eight she went to bed. Murphy usually turned up daily if only for ten minutes, and Clarke couldn't help but admit that her day brightened a little whenever she saw his face, or heard his grumpy tone as he swore at the rock he stubbed his foot on every day behind her.

It was Murphy that brought the news that Lexa was visiting, and Murphy that hovered around her looking nervous as the Grounder Commander arrived, too worried to leave Clarke (it must have been his shift) but still scared of the presence of men who had most likely tortured him, even if he'd tried to hide it. Clarke had told Murphy to go find Kane and ensure that he was out of the way - Kane was well meaning sure, but irritating as hell when she was trying to impose authority - and gestured Lexa into the tent, where she sat next to Indra on one side of a large wooden table. They discussed menial duties and trades for a while, until Lexa cocked her head and spoke in an almost sympathetic tone

'Clarke, you look pale. Perhaps it is time for food?'

Lexa knew of course, Clarke suspected that even if she hadn't been told she would have known anyway - grounders had some sort of creepy sixth sense like that - but she remained unchanged by Clarke's predicament, something that had touched Clarke even if she never admitted it. Ducking her head, Clarke agreed, and over a meal of what she thought was Turkey, but Monty was on kitchen duty so she dreaded to think what it actually was, Lexa asked about her options post death.

'I assume your spirit shall choose the next representative of your clan, leader of the Sky People?'

Abby and Kane, Jaha especially, had never quite got over the idea that Clarke was respected more than themselves, and as such was seen as the leader of their people with or without a chancellors badge. 

'Bellamy shall remain a co-leader. As for my spirit choosing, I believe that Raven will make an excellent leader. She is impulsive yes, but under your guidance would only grow stronger. She has the respect of my people. However I would like to appoint Octavia as their second if you will. A deputy. She knows your culture, and is an important bridge between us both, will allow relationships to grow and flourish rather than die. Other members of their counsel shall be voted in by the people.'

Both Lexa and Indra had nodded, and Clarke had not missed the small smile that had appeared at her mention of O. Lexa had then, with the normal Grounder bluntness, enquired about Clarkes funeral arrangements, which had been arranged down to a t by the time the meeting was over. She couldn't help but be amused by the morbidity of planning her own exit, but had agreed to a grounder ceremony to cement the relationship between the two peoples. 

Two days after the grounders had departed, Clarke, blonde hair glinting in the midday sun, had finished drawing out the blueprints for the village the remaining 47 and their families hoped to build in an area of land Lexa had gifted to them. She hated the way that everything she thought of now seemed to have an edge of darkness. There was a countdown in her head and she just hoped to reach little milestones before the clock hit zero. The village - to be named Nova after the latin word for new, and ironically for the sudden brightening of a star in Finnish - was the place she wanted to go. It was Bellamy who tapped her on the shoulder, skin more tanned than usual as he'd spent the last week in open land, and freckles punctuating the expanse of his face. 

'How's it going princess?'

It had taken a while but Clarke no longer felt any sadness at the nickname. After all, it had never really been Finn's in the first place, not after Bell had claimed it as his own.

Bellamy looked nervous, sheepish suddenly, hands fumbling with something behind his back as he thrust the parcel forwards roughly into her hands, a deep blush spreading across his cheekbones. It was a large sketchbook and paints, which had obviously been taken from the now abandoned corridors of Mount Weather. It must have almost killed Bellamy to have to go back there, but he had, and  _for Clarke_ of all people. He wasn't ready for the tight grip that Clarke enveloped in him, staggering back slightly before ignoring the winks of the adventure squad and Octavia's knowing but sad smirk across camp and pulling her into his own embrace, her lips mumbling thank you's into his shoulder. He held her like that for a while until Clarke pulled back away from him, looked up at his face and said looking confused.

"I can't feel my legs'

before promptly collapsing onto the floor in an explosion of dust and limbs which she thinks she would have found hilarious could she stand back up again. It occurred to her as she was lifted into Murphy's arms - who had run across the camp and scooped her up like she weighed nothing - that this was what Raven probably felt like. Or maybe Charlotte when she realised the utter hopelessness of her situation. Clarke finally let go of the little piece of her that thought she was going to be okay as her Mom stated in a dreamlike voice that her heart was giving out just as Bellamy dropped into his knees next to where she had fell, finally unfreezing as he watched her disappear into the distance. This, they both though simultaneously, was absolute bullshit. They both had a tendency to swear.

 

\-----------------------

 

Clarke was still in bed, unconscious and surrounded by the worried looking adventure squad, one hand occupied by Murphy and the other by Raven. Bellamy had resorted to stroking Clarkes forehead - Murphy somehow managing to throw him dirty looks while simultaneously staring at Clarke with a pained expression. Abby was staring at her daughter with a look of resignment. They hadn't even made it two months.

The mood in the tent was that of martyrdom, until Lincoln, ever a man for a dramatic entrance, swept in and presented Abby with a vial of something cloudy and green looking. 

'I go away for three months on a search for neighbouring lands and in that time you not only fail to recognise that Clarke is ill, but also that the cure is so readily available?'

Abby blushes embarrassed and ashamed, but her ashen face lights with hope as does faces of the adventure squad behind her.

Lincoln pours the solution into Clarke's ear - 'it's faster this way, she needs it now or else..' - and steps back discussing in hushed voices medical terms and treatments with Abby and Jackson, who has slunk out of the shadows in the corner of the room. Three hours later, and Clarke wakes up, looking pale but very much alive, and is drawn into an in depth discussion about medicine with the medics as the squad stares at her relieved and in various stages of shock that dead!Clarke is now very much Alive!Clarke. Octavia leaves to sob in relief outside, Raven joins her although more discretely than Octavia with her tear streaked face and various triumphant cheers. Murphy looks embarrassed at his usually hidden and now very public display of emotion, and after hesitantly going to kiss Clarke's cheek, leaves quickly to go off to do whatever Murphy does in his spare time (Bellamy doesn't want to know, he fears that the truth may be more scarring than even his imagination). Jasper collapses in usual dramatic Jasper fashion into Maya's arms proclaiming thanks to the Gods above while Maya rolls her eyes and drags him out into a neighbouring tent. Bellamy laments the times where he couldn't hear Jaspers singing through the tarpaulin and after grinning at a blushing Miller who Monty had  _finally_ kissed in the wake of the excitement, collapses into the chair in the corner of the room, watching as excitement turns to frowns. Clarke looks upset and Jackson looks downright pissed.

Bellamy doesn't know much about medicine but he admits that even to him the words 'repeated and very much necessary dosage causes blindness' don't sound great.


End file.
